Platypus?
by dragonprincess1988
Summary: Joker's Log Arkham Asylum Vol. II [8] The Last one ever!


The last Joker Log EVER!!!

Dick was standing in the cave after a long night of dealing with Joker surprises. He was still wearing his Nightwing costume even though his mask was lying on the floor next to him. He was removing large pieces of cake from his hair when Robin walked in, completely covered from head to toe in some goopy glop that, oddly enough, smelled like burnt turkey gravy. His entire suit was tattered, and Robin looked like he had just been through a very painful ordeal. He walked past Dick, removing articles of clothing on the way, and headed straight to the shower. "What the hell happened out there tonight? I honestly believe that was one of our weirdest nights ever! So, Dick, what all did you have to deal with?"

Dick sat down in a chair while he attempted to clean himself off. If their costumes were a sign of what they had gone through, neither one of their nights had gone as planned. "What did I have to deal with? Well, let's see. There was the massive explosion from that crazy basket that was delivered to my apartment, a huge Nightwing doll that tried to chop me into little bits and pieces, and an enormous cake that a rabid platypus jumped out of… which then tried to attack me. Where did The Joker get a platypus, and since when are those things so vicious?"

Tim was in the shower scrubbing his skin vigorously. "I don't know, but at least your crazy exploding basket was sent to your apartment. Mine was sent to me while I was in the library. I don't think I'll be allowed back in there, once it's rebuilt. I also had to handle a massive Robin doll that shot acid at me--not to mention, I was nearly drowned in turkey gravy, and then chased for three hours by Joker's hyenas. The words 'long night' come to mind."

Dick pulled off one of his boots, and turned it upside. A large amount of water spilled out onto the floor. "Did I mention the jelly fish attack? Where's Bruce, anyway?"

Tim had started washing his hair for the third time. "Jelly fish attack? Did I hear that right? I don't know where Bruce is. I met up with him after I lost the hyenas, and then we got separated when that 5 ft tall bowling ball hit me and knocked me into that pet shop where miraculously none of the cages where locked. Apparently cats and dogs aren't the only ones that like a gravy covered Robin. Upside to my night, it seems that gravy isn't flammable, which would be why Joker felt the need to drench me in lighter fluid, and then he threw sparklers at me. Do you think my hair will ever stop smelling like burnt gravy?"

Dick snorted. "Yeah, maybe…if you're lucky that is. Anyway, you heard correctly: jelly fish attack. It happened before the cake incident and after the demented doll episode. There was this huge pond like thing in the middle of nowhere filled with jelly fish. The suit absorbed most of the stings, but still, who the hell attacks someone with jelly fish?"

Tim turned off the shower, dried off, and began getting dressed after giving up on trying not to smell like an over cooked Thanksgiving dinner. "Clearly The Joker does."

"Not anymore he doesn't."

The two of them turned to see Batman standing behind them. "What do you mean not anymore?" They spoke simultaneously.

Batman walked past them to the computer. "You can read the report when I finish typing it up. I expect both of you to have yours done before the next patrol."

Dick rolled his eyes. "Of course you do."

Tim moved next to Dick. "What do you say we really annoy him and go read over his shoulder?"

Dick waved a hand in front of his face. "Sure man, but first you either have to go get a girlfriend or visit Babs. Because we HAVE to do something about that smell. I'm sure she has some kind of fruity something or other that should help. Maybe Alfred has some of those lemon or pine smelling cleaning products, or maybe we could dunk you in a pool of laundry detergent, or something. It really is awful just standing next to you."

Tim glared at him murderously. "Thanks man. Thanks a lot."

A scuffle had started between the two of them, which ended with Tim sprawled out on the ground and Dick on top of him, tickling him. By the time they had finished, Bruce had already gone. They got up off of the floor and walked over to the computer. Dick sat down and pulled up the document Bruce had just finished typing. Tim stood next to him reading over his shoulder. The two of them stayed silent while they read over Bruce's version of the night's events. That was until Tim read something that he just couldn't believe. "I'm sorry does that say Joker is dead?"

They both spent a few moments rereading until Dick confirmed that indeed it said Joker was dead. "It looks like, after he left you a blazing mess, he went after Batman, and didn't quite make it out. It says that the pills Joker was taking to 'help him concentrate and remain focused' played with his head when he started taking them in large doses. Apparently, when Joker escaped from Arkham he had taken enough of the meds to last him at least a year. There was enough of the stuff in his blood stream to suggest he had been doubling up on the meds ever since he left Arkham. It seems the meds made him even crazier than he already was. To the point where he jumped off of the rooftop where Batman had him cornered. Before Batman could even react, Joker was on the pavement…or what was left of him."

Tim stared at Dick. "Wait, so…no more Joker? Gotham is suddenly safer, our identities aren't in danger anymore, and none of us have to feel guilty about anything because he jumped on his own? How often does that kind of stuff happen to us?"

Dick gaped blankly at the screen. "No more Joker. Gotham is safer, identities are safe, and I don't know how often that happens, but I'm not going to spend my time pondering it." Without another word Dick walked out of the cave, leaving Tim there alone to relish in the knowledge that, even though all of their lives were turned upside down by the things that had happened in Bludhaven, things were starting to calm down. The moment Tim realized life was getting at least a little bit better. He smiled to himself, and began to write his own report before heading to bed.

THE END


End file.
